Wednesday 20 July 2016

50 Shades of Rose - rekindled!

Barbara and I sat drinking tea in her town house kitchen in the city's fashionable southern quarter.  Barbara is my best friend who I tell every thing to. We drink out of mugs.  You know the sort of ones that have straight sides and handles so that you can drink your Twinnings ($10 dollars please) breakfast tea without burning your hands on the sides.

But how can I tell her! How can I tell her about this new stage of my life that is starting to take over my every living, breathing moment. She would just flip if she even had an inkling of what was going on. Since I met Campervandunken Rose, my life has been turned inside out. I'd never even had an RUV before, so being introduced to the deeper world of VW was a shock to my senses that my inner god was still struggling to come to terms with.

My senses leap as I feel my Blackberry ($10 dollars please) vibrate in the front left pocket of my Levi ($10 dollars please) jeans. Has she dained to reply to my earlier e-mail. The one that I've spent the past 12 hours worrying over, thinking that I'd really blown it. Thinking that she would never want to see me again!

From: Campervandunken Rose
Subject: You are in my power!
Date: July 17 2012 11:55 BST
To: Ian Moon

Dear Mr Moon,
Still drinking Twinnings ($10 dollars please) tea, I see. I do hope that you have eaten today and that you are going to be ready to drive me to distraction when we meet!

Mrs Rose

Crap. Okay. Jeez. What's eating her? How can she possibly know that I am sitting drinking Twinnings ($10 dollars please) english breakfast tea.  Has she got a trace on our kettle.  She is so much of a control freak that she has to know exactly what I'm doing at any hour of the day.  I think about this and start to assemble together the jigsaw that she is handing me piece by piece.

From: Ian Moon
Subject: So you think so...four wheels!
Date: July 17 2012 11:58 BST
To: Campervandunken Rose


Dear Mrs Rose,
I thought that the idea was that you wanted to drive! So now, all of a sudden, I'm in control? I haven't signed the HP agreement yet and need to discuss some of the 'hard' rules. Even so, my wallet is already open to you when ever you ask!

Mr Moon

______________________________________________________________________________

From: Campervandunken Rose
Subject: Will you ever do as I tell you!
Date: July 17 2012 11:55 BST
To: Ian Moon

Dear Mr Moon
You must know that you drive me to places that I never thought I would go! I need you holding my wheel, with your hand on my gear stick! You are the only person that I have ever been happy to have treading on my pedals! What are you doing to me!!

Anyway, look out of the window!

Mrs Rose


Crap. Okay. Jeez. I walk across the small but nicely laid out dining room of Barbara's town house kitchen in the city's fashionable southern quarter and, drawing back the John Lewis ($10 Dollars please) curtains, look down and across, with my eyes, into the parking lot! Crap. Okay. Jeez. My heart is in my mouth.  Not literally as that would mean that I would probably be dead or something. There she is, looking up at me. Beckoning me to come down to her and satisfy her needs in a way that I still find hard to comprehend. She won't let me stroke her sensuous red and cream bodywork, but she demands that I submit my bank account to her seemingly insatiable desires.

Making a lame, but plausible, excuse to my best friend, Barbara, who I tell everything to, I walk down the stairs - there is no elevator - putting one foot in front of the other as if I were walking! As I step off the last stair, I look up and see Taylor, holding the door open for me. How did he get there, but, I should have guessed, he is in every chapter!
          "Hello Taylor."
          "Mr Moon." His greeting is as formal as it was in the last chapter. Although, as always there is that hint of a knowing smile as if he knows exactly what is coming next!

As I step into the parking lot, Rosie is there watching me with those watching eyes, watching me.  She never lets me call her 'Rosie' even though, by saying that one word, I feel like the biggest surfer dude in the whole world.

          "Why can't I call you 'Rosie'", I whisper. I look up into her glistening windscreen, longing for her to sweep me up and whisk me to so far away place where we can just be together.
          "I wish I could tell you. But, I'm a campervan and can't really speak." 
I run my hands tenderly across her bodywork.  Gently starting at her fenders and working back towards her soft and yealding quarter-lights. I feel that now familiar electric charge pulsing through my hand and can't hold back any longer. With one quick flick of the wrist, I wrench open her sliding door and all of a sudden, I'm inside! I sink into the oblivion of the driving seat and, as the pure unbridled passion of the moment releases, slip my key into the haven that is Rosie's ignition. Fighting the temptation to run and run and never come back, I give the key a sharp turn in that ever familiar clockwise direction and then, then...


Oh! F**k I forgot that we'd blown up the engine!!!

Well! What were you expecting??

P.S. Thanks for the idea Dawn!!